When my husband and I found out we were having twins I was halfway through my pregnancy. We were completely shocked, terrified, and elated all at once. Most of our friends and family were excited for us, but not everyone reacted so positively to the news. In this post I talk about some responses we didn’t appreciate and why you shouldn’t say certain things to someone expecting multiples. Below are some positive reactions we were thankful for.
- I still have (insert baby item here) if you would like it! Boppies, bumbos, extra pump parts, strollers, clothes, diapers you ended up not using, play mats, cribs, a rocking chair, extra wipes…I could go on and on. While it’s definitely not true that you need two of everything when you have twins, certain items require double and you will need a greater quantity of almost everything. Is it fun to get everything brand new? Sure! But just because you register for certain items or ask for specifics doesn’t mean that’s what you’ll actually receive, creating a whole list of items you have to buy yourself. If you have extra baby items you can offer to someone for free, I encourage you to consider it. We ended up getting a free snap n’ go double stroller and a bunch of extra pump parts along with multiple other items from friends. All were appreciated and all were helpful!
- Double blessings! YES! While society tries to make us think of children as a burden, the Bible teaches us children are blessings. My husband and I were chosen to have TWO at once! The thought of twins is daunting, but when you think of each child as a blessing you gain a new perspective. I loved when people would respond this way because it was a reminder to be thankful and not to worry.
- Let me know what I can do to help you. This comment was usually preceded by “You’re going to be so busy!” We appreciated when help was offered because as much as we wanted to believe we could do everything ourselves, we knew that wasn’t realistic. Thankfully we were blessed to have so many friends and family pouring in and out constantly after the twins were born. While this could be overwhelming, we weren’t about to turn down free help with the twins, laundry, dishes, cleaning, meals, entertaining the dog…the list goes on. If you know someone who is going to have multiples and you are able to offer help, do! Let them know you mean it and they can count on you because there will come a time where they need someone to turn to, and there you’ll be. Better yet, consider jumping in to help before you are asked. Just make sure you are being respectful of their space!
- How exciting! It really is, isn’t it? Sure it can be scary and intimidating, too, but let’s not go there. It’s important for new parents to focus on the positive aspects of having multiples and understand that this life transition is going to be wonderful.
- I wish I would’ve had twins/I hope I have twins! I heard so many comments about how people were thankful not to have twins, so when someone expressed to me that I was receiving something they once wanted so badly, it caught me off guard. The person who said this was a twin herself, and when the time came for her to have children she longed for twins. She told me she wanted her children to be able to experience what she did growing up. Her words put things in perspective and made me excited to watch the bond our girls would eventually form.
Obviously you should only say these things to someone if that’s really how you feel, but at least consider responding in a positive way. If you just don’t have anything positive or nice to say, keep your comments to yourself. When someone finds out they’re having multiples, they probably go back and forth between being happy and being scared. Try to help them stay on the happy side by remaining enthusiastic and positive!
Hello! I am a work-at-home mom to twin girls and a canine. I’m learning what life looks like when you surrender to God. Passionate about parenthood, marriage, and all things coffee!