Celebrating Differences: Identical, but not the Same

Parenthood, Twins / Wednesday, January 24th, 2018

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” – Psalm 139:13-16 ESV

When it comes to identical twins, people make a lot of assumptions. Some are true, some are false, and most I can understand. There is just this one I just can’t quite make sense of: some people assume that because they look identical, they must also behave the same way.

Well, let me tell you. Our girls couldn’t be more opposite! C is pretty quiet and shy, very calm, and just kind of goes with the flow. P is more outspoken and expressive, opinionated, and bubbly. C is very observant and cautious, and P is unrestrained and daring. C needs to know you before she’ll be comfortable around you, and P is happy to be held by anyone.

You might be surprised to know that we see all these differences already despite them being just under a year old. In fact, we started noticing how opposite they were when I was still pregnant. Yes, you read that right—we knew who was who in the womb and began to make out their personalities shortly after their first kicks.

We actually thought the girls were fraternal twins because they resided in individual amniotic sacs and had their own placentas. Because of this separation, it was easy to make out which baby was kicking me in the middle of the night and which one was just hanging out.

P liked to be involved in everything from the get-go, and C barely let me know she was there at all, to the point of occasional panic. Once we realized these differences were consistent, we began to imagine who P and C were going to be once they arrived. Here are some of our predictions:

  • C is going to go into politics and P is going to be in show business
  • P is going to be a leader and C is going to be a follower
  • C will be timid and P will be outspoken
  • P will be mini-mom and C will be mini-dad

After the girls were born, it took a while before we could really determine if any of our predictions were correct because of the “preemie-funk.” The biggest difference we could make out was that P seemed to request more attention and C was content waiting for it, though she always appreciated it when it was given.

As they’ve grown, their personalities have gotten stronger and we are really starting to understand their tendencies.

This is so fun and entertaining, but we know we need to be careful not to categorize them or “put them into a box.” Sure, C tends to be easygoing, but she still has days where she snatches a toy from P’s hand. And even though P is typically more vocal about how she feels, she was actually the quiet one when they both cut their first tooth.

We want to be purposeful about giving them space to be fully themselves and not treat them as though they’re destined to be one specific way just because of a few early tendencies.

So, instead of referring to them as “the sassy one” and “the sweet one” (I mean, I haven’t done that…you’ve done that…J), I’m going to make a better effort to choose my words with intention. After all, God made them unique tiny humans, and we want to celebrate their differences!


Hello! I am a work-at-home mom to twin girls and a canine. I’m learning what life looks like when you surrender to God. Passionate about parenthood, marriage, and all things coffee!